Dear American Airlines

One significant quote that I found in the book was when Benny id really bored and just sitting in the terminal. "Dear American Airlines, you miserable fucks, I'm going to keep writing. I;m going to keep writing and writing and writing and writing and you're going to keep reading and reading because for the first time in my life it wasn't me that blew it- it was you" (66). There are two really important parts to this quote. This first part that I find to be very significant is how he is talking about writing and writing. For some people, music makes them feel better, and for some people it is talking to others. I think that Benny uses writing as his way of working through his feelings and figuring everything out in his head. I bet that he keeps writing directed to the airlines because he needs someone to talk to, but he has nobody. For me, it is hard to keep a journal because I don't know how to write to myself. I bet this is somewhat the same for Benny. The other part of this quote that made me really think is "for the first time in my life it wasn't me that blew it- it was you." This shows how much in his life he has really messed up, and how nice it is for him to have somebody else to blame. I think that he blames himself for all his problems, and this is giving him some hope that other people in the world mess up also.

Dear American Airlines

I am now going to talk about the effectiveness of Jonathan Miles' writing style. When reading his book, I often felt like I was there with Benny, or like I was Benny. He has an extremely unique way of writing, which at first was a little harsh, but eventually I came to really enjoy. An example of his way of writing is, "Even when I drank alone, the vodka provided me with a kind of soundtrack- a rhythm, channeled voices, a brain crowded with noise and streaming color, the rackety blurred clutter of my decrepitude" (53). I'm not quite sure what I like about this sentence, but I think it it that even though I could never even imagine being an alcoholic, the real way in which it is written opens me up to reasons why somebody would be. I think his flowery word choice can make even awful things sound appealing if he wants them to. This also works backwards, making awful things seem even more awful. I like how he describes drinking as having a "soundtrack", showing how it is something that programmed him to feel a certain way. I feel like I am actually put in his shoes, even though his lifestyle is so different then mine. When he received an invitation to his daughter's wedding who he hasn't seen since she was a baby, he shows how he felt in a very unique way. "My original thought was that it was some kind of cruel joke from Stella Sr. [his ex wife] - her poisonous & long-simmered response to my attempt to make amends of five years ago"(57). By describing it as "poisonous", I am really put in his shoes, and I can see why he would of thought that. This also helps me see all his stored up anger.

There are many reasons why Benny has so much stored up anger, one being his inability to write poetry anymore. He used to be a very good poet, but has not written in many years. I feel like poetry was his escape from the real world, which to him was often hell, and into his own world. I think that although he enjoys being a translator, he wishes that somehow he could make his own work and express himself. Talking about poetry he says, "My mother still hopes for a reunion, goading me with a stick rather than a carrot: NO ONE, said one Post-it, REMEMBERS THE TRANSLATOR"(79). I think that as much as Benny won't admit this to himself, he knows it is true. I think that he is pretending to hide behind other people's work, but it is actually killing him inside. On the same page, it says, "The way certain poems guided me through life like blue runway lights" (79). Benny relied so much on the beauty of poetry, that without it he is a different person, and he doesn't have a way to make his life better.

Dear American Airlines

I am going to talk about the very end of the book in this blog post. The book ends with the story of Walenty, the man in the book he is translating. In this part of the story, Walenty is watching a little boy in a cafe. Talking about the boy's mother, he says, "She dragged him beside her chair where she swatted him on the rump with enough force to make Walenty wince, spitting fierce words at the boy Walenty was unable to understand save one: father. Stricken, the boy lay on the floor crying while the mother, eating small bites from a bread roll ignored him" (179). I winced when I read this part of the passage because I could just imagine the small boy being scared and hurt by his mom. Being yelled at or even scolded by parents hurts, especially to a little kid. Then, at the end of the passage, Walenty is boarding a train, and he talks about the little boy again. He sees the mother and the father hugging. He says, "Far below them the boy was clawing at his fathers legs, trying to climb his way into the embrace, and as the train rocked forward Walenty saw the father raise his right arm as if to- but that was all. The stationmaster's office blocked the view and in an instant there was nothing left to see. Walenty sank down into his seat and closed his eyes. There was no Free State of Triste and there never could be" (180). This was the very end of the book. I think what this is saying is how even though the place of Triste was freed by the war, it could never truly be free because of all the corruption and because of people's individual struggles. I think that this is a very powerful message, showing how everywhere, somebody is trapped and constrained through something, whether it be abuse, or family problems, or work.

I thought this was a very interesting end to the book. I was a little surprised that Mile's ended the book with the story of Walenty and not the main character Benny. To me, this shows how much symbolism was put into the story that Benny was translating, and how it was not just a story, but something that told all about his life. I guess that by ending the story shown how everybody is trapped within their own struggles also really demonstrates how Benny is trapped in his own life and hardships that arose. I think that by writing this book, Benny is freeing himself of some of his built up anger and problems. The end of his part of the book says, "Dear American Airlines, I'm not leaving. I apologize for all your time but I've changed my mind. You can keep your money after all" (178). I think that this shows a huge shift in Benny's character. In the first part of the book he is "demanding" his money back, and now he does not care about it. Even though throughout the book Benny was sitting in an airport, I think that the story made him realize new things about life, and how he can be a new person.

Dear American Airlines

One thing I thought was really very interesting in the book is when Benny makes a phrasebook for his mother, who had a stroke and was not able to talk. With the phrasebook he wrote down every single phrase he thought that she would need to say, and put them into categories. He wanted his mom to be able to be able to turn to any page and point to what she wanted to say. It was extremely thoughtful of him. He said, "Under the 'Miscellaneous' rebric I even included me-directed unpleasantries like 'watch your language' and 'how is your work coming?'"(175). I think that that both shows Benny's humor and how he really was trying to make life the best it could be for his mother. What I found most interesting about this part in the book was the way his mother reacted to his gift of a phrase book. "Taking a ballpoint pen to one of my Post-it pads, she wrote on three consecutive sheets: I HAVE MUCH MORE TO SAY THAN THAT. I hadn't considered that it might be disturbing for her, to see the entirety of her remaining life- and what is life if not the words that we speak?-reduced to fifteen or so looseleaf notebook pages, sharp convenience not withstanding" (175). I think that this really really demonstrates how what is seen as a nice gesture can often be taken the wrong way. Also it shows how there is always more than one perspective on every situation, and how things that were meant one way are often perceived differently. 

Dear American Airlines

Today I am going to talk about Jonathan Miles' choice of words. There are a lot of swear words in his book, which at first seems a little bit harsh, but later I started to enjoy the slightly abrasive language. It really gave Benny his own character. I think some of Benny's character traits that are shown through swearing are his I don't care what you think of me attitude, and his assertiveness. One time he says, "Jesus f****** christ, you want to see trembling hands? Look at this, it's like my mother's shaky stroke-scrawl, I can't even make the damn words- dear American Airlines, you pigs, you pigs, you grabby f****** pigs!" (147-148). I just opened up my book to a random page and found this because swear words are used on a lot of pages in this novel. Personally I think it adds to the story, although others might completely disagree. Another time in the book where I think his swearing adds to his character is when he says, "Well, shit. That was a much longer interlude than I'd intended. Are you still there? I am. Still here, I mean"(29). The use of a swear word in the first sentence really shows Benny's attitude that he doesn't care at all about what others think of him.

Along with his swearing, he also uses really interesting adjective that add so much to his descriptions. An example of this is when Benny is talking about a letter he got from his ex-wife Margaret. He describes it as, "The letter that she wrote back was so deliciously smutty (as opposed to my cutesy Donne-ish ditty) that I felt I should be charged by the minute for reading it" (101). His words "deliciously smutty", and "cutesy Donne-ish ditty" make this sentence so much more interesting to read than simple words. Another description I really really liked was later in the book when Benny got drunk in a bar and ended up at his friends house for the night. His friend was sleeping in an oversized t-shirt. Miles describes it by saying, "I couldn't help wondering where a shopper might locate such an oversized-oversized t-shirt and what sort of mythically large sasquatch the Filipino textile-factory worker who sewed the shirt must have imagined she was dressing" (133). This not only struck me as really funny but it also helped me to see just how big the shirt actually is. I really love the descriptions that Jonathan Miles uses, and I think they really add to his ability as a writer.

POST ONE AND A HALF- Dear American Airlines

My favorite passage in the book:

The main character of my book is an ex-poet who became a translator and throughout the book he is translating the story of Walenty, a German soldier.

"He lay back on the stones and let the blood flow out of him. He thought he should pray but couldn't bring himself to make the words. Instead he thought of the makowiec his mother used to make for dessert on rare special days when he was a boy. Expecting the end, he consoled himself with visions of poppyseed cake. Later, in the field hospital, his mind creamy with morphine, Walenty had been unsure what disturbed him more: his lost limb and the shrapnel holes in his forehead, or that the only crumbs of life that he found to cling to, when dying on the battlefield, were cake crumbs" (49). I don't exactly know why I like this passage so much, but for some reason it really stood out to me and was very memorable. I think that because he though of something as simple as cake during his death shows how Walenty, being a soldier, must have been expecting it. Instead of running through his life in his mind as he lay there on the battlefield, he focused on a good memory of his mother and his childhood and something before his innocence got torn away through war. Even though the pain must have been overwhelming, Walenty didn't appear as if in pain. He appeared as if in peace. I think that is also what he is saying with the cake crumbs- when everything is chaos and hurt there is always something happy and good to hold on to. I also think that this passage reflects the way of life of a soldier. The losing of a leg was not what he focused on most, because everywhere he looked people were losing legs and arms and lives. Walenty didn't want to focus on something that was now so common to him. Instead he wanted to remember what he could about something other then death.

Quarter three outside Reading book - post one. My Book: Dear American Airlines

For this quarter I chose a fiction book Dear American Airlines by Jonathan Miles. It's only 180 pages so I actually read the whole thing at my cabin over the long weekend but I will start from the beginning. Here we go: 

The book begins with Benjamin Ford, or Bennie, writing a letter to American Airlines, because of his canceled flight. He is heading to his daughter's wedding, and now because of the airplane cancellation, he is not able to make it on time. Bennie begins his book by saying "...I am writing to request a refund in the amount of $392.68. But, no, scratch that: Request is too mincy and polite, I think, too officious and Britishy, a word that walks along the page of a ramrod straightness of someone trying to balance a walnut on his upper ass cheeks!" (1). I think that this beginning is a really good introduction into Bennie's character. Both the swearing and the wittiness of his comments continue throughout the whole novel, adding a undertone of humor, despite his often unfortunate situations. Benjamin Ford is a recovering alcoholic who has been through a lot in his life, causing him to have anger at many things. His built up anger is very apparent. "In the eightish-hour period I've smoked seventeen cigarettes which wouldn't be notable save for the fact that the dandy Hudson News outlets here don't stock my brand so I'll soon be forced to switch to another, and while that shouldn't upset me it does. In fact, it enrages me. Here's my life in dangly tatters and I can't even enjoy the merest of my pleasures" (3). This passage shows both his addiction to smoking and his easily angered personality. I myself like his personality because he doesn't feel the need to be somebody he is not. I also think it's funny how he attacks the airlines because I have had so many troubles with airplanes, and I love how he is pointing out all the terrible parts of the airlines.

Bennie starts to tell the story of who he is and his life, so he starts talking about his mother, who he refers to a Miss Willa. He tells us that, "The stroke may have been the best thing that could have happened to my mother. No doubt this sounds beastly... but my mother use to be crazy and now she is not. ... I mean manic-depressive schizophrenic crazy, the hard stuff" (5). It must have been very difficult for Bennie to have grown up with a mother who had so many problems herself, and it seems like this could be one of the reasons that Bennie is who he is today. Because he had to take care of his mother for the past three years in their apartment, he became a heavy drinker and smoker, and his situation has gotten much worse. I feel badly for his mother, also, who can only write by post-it notes and can't do anything anymore. His mother attempted suicide many times, and one of my favorite descriptions in the whole novel is when he describes his mother trying to commit suicide by swallowing paint. "One by one, she emptied all of her oil paints into her mouth, cadmium yellow and lead white and arsenic-laced cobalt blue- a garish, self-annihilating palette squeezed down her throat. As suicide attempts go, it was a weak one. (She'd get better over the years- oh, much fucking better.) My grandmother found her lying on her bedroom floor, rainbows of drool leaking from the corners of her mouth, but Willa vomited up the paint before her stomach had to be pumped. It was, I've sometimes imagined (albeit abstractly), the worlds most beautiful vomit: a gastric rendition of Joseph's coat of many colors, its wild variegation and vivd chromatic streaks a pooling rebuke to the black mind that sought to swallow them" (22). Despite being extremely grotesque, this description of how beautiful her vomit would have been stuck out to me as being very vivid and memorable. I love how he made the comparison between the many colors of the paint, and the blackness of her mind. This passage shows both how good a writer Jonathan Miles is and how twisted the mind of Bennie is. I think that how the suicide was beautiful showed his family history of awful depression, and how when he looks past it all he is able to see something really beautiful, and it is again a development of his character. 

numero cinco y seis

This is a very random blog post.

Throughout her illness, Jerri Nielsen had to deal with not always knowing the answers to her questions, which was always something she struggled with immensly. There were times when she had no idea if her cancer was even cancer. Because she had barely any contact with the rest of the world, it was extremely hard for them to diagnose her illness exactly, or give her a probability of survival. She kept having to beg answers out of the physician she was in contact with, barely getting any answers. It was not her doctor's fault, she didn't know all the answers, but she also didn't want to tell Nielsen bad news. In one email she said, "I know you want the truth but our videoconferences are somewhat of a public forum... I have at times consciously tried to remain calm and optimistic for their [the chemotherapy team] benifit" (340). Here her doctor is admitting that she maybe doesn't say all the bad things all the time. Later in that email, however, she decides to be more blunt and honest. She tells Nielsen, "My best estimate today: 35-40% probability of being alive, well, and without breast cancer 10 years from now..." (340). I think it was probably very hard for the doctor to be upfront about unpromising outlooks, but if I were Nielsen, I would also want the truth.

There is this guy who was wintering at the pole named Pic who I found especially interesting. He was constantly in pain in his head or jaw, because of a Ugandan dentist who messed up his teeth. Then his neck, stomach, and back started hurting, and finally severe pain in his hip. What I found so interesting about him was that he never stopped working, even though he suffered through many illnesses. He even developed insomnia and and restless leg syndrome. Nielsen says, "We finally had to order him to rest when he could barely stand. He claimed that he had read seventy-two books during that time" (296). THis shows what an extraordinary guy he was. The best part about Pic is how he and Nielsen got through their hardships together. "To escape our hardships of life, Pic and I created an elaborate world of our own" (296). I think it is really cool that they were there to help each other.

 

Throughout her winter at the pole, Nielsen had to cope with the fact that she didn't know if she would live or die. In an email to her family and friends she says, "Am I at the very end of my life, or at a new beginning? I can only guess. It weighs heavy on me now" (292). There were many contributing factors to her feelings. Her cancer would have been hard for anybody, but because she was away from a normal life, her family and friends, and reliable treatment, it was even more difficult for her. Without a good hospital or good treatments, it would be extremely hard to be able to stay optimistic about life. To keep her hopes up, Nielsen's mom tells her, "If there is a chance, whether it be 10% or 90%, take any chance on life"(289). These words must have meant a lot to her, because even though death was a very probable possibility, encouraging words from anybody help tremendously. 

I think her brother Scott helped a lot, and had a lot of really cool things to say. he told this one story about being on his boat. "When I awoke it was midnight. I was out of sight of land. I crawled up on the stern and realized that my boat had been transported into outer space. There were stars everywhere. Up, to the sides, down, everywhere! I held the back stay to keep from falling and looked carefully. It was incredible. My movement on the stern made a ripple and it rolled out to the horizon, shutting off the stars one at a time and then back on they came. The ocean had died completely and had turned into a mirror. It was incredible!" (343). I think that this is a really interesting story and it really makes me want to go sailing and see the ocean turn into outer space.

number 4

So I finished my book over Winter Break, and I decided it was pretty good. This blog post is going to be about how important Nielsen's family and friends were while she was coping with her breast cancer. They were important both on and off the ice. Off the ice, I think her most important supporter was her brother Scott. In an email to her he says, "I will always be on your side. You make us all proud" (252). Without words like this from people who love her, it would be a million times harder for Nielsen to survive, and stay optimistic. He mom was also crucial in providing comfort. Her mom givers her similar love and kindness that her brother does. One of her emails says, "I long to hug you. I wish you were here to be in the sunshine and go out to dinner with Daddy and me" (223). It is vital that Nielsen knows people like her mom and her brother love and miss her.

On the ice, support from her friends is just as important. Her best friend Big John is one of the people who enables her to not completely give up hope. He even emailed her family to tell them all about her, which shows how much he truly cares. "I just wanted to let you guys know that even though you guys are a world away from your beautiful sister, you gave her the best mental boost imaginable" (309). This shows both how much BIg John cares and how much her family helps her. Nielsen said herself, "I can't imagine being here facing my illness without someone who cares about me, who deeply cares" (310). This gives Nielsens view on the importance of her friend.